Kevin Kelly, one of my heroes, wrote a blog post on his 68th birthday titled 68 Bits of Unsolicited Advice. With my 30th birthday approaching, I decided to take a crack at a similar type of post, but from my own experience.
Here are 30 bits of wisdom after 30 years of life (to be taken with a grain of salt). They’re in no particular order, but I’ve tried to choose the ones that have impacted me the most.
- Keeping time and the long-term in perspective. Having some way in my life where I can regularly get perspective on the passing of time. Putting life events and chapters from 6 months ago into context with life today, and also with life a year ago and 5 years ago — is like seeing where I am on a map of life. It’s great for orienting myself and without it I can feel a bit lost.
- Appreciation vs. Achievement. The latter brings me fleeting happiness. The former, when practiced regularly, brings me more lasting happiness.
- We weren’t born to pay bills and die. As someone prone to workaholism, I have to remind myself of this.
- Dancing with fear. I spent a good portion of my life where my behavior was driven by fear. Learning to dance with it, instead of sitting in the passenger seat letting it drive me, makes life much richer and instills in me a sense of pride.
- Practicing mindfulness. Having some sort of mindfulness practice is like laying a proper foundation upon which to build and experience a life.
- Moving my body. I never did love working out. But learning about the ways in which it helps us sleep and relieve stress has helped me accept (dare I say get excited about) moving my body in some sort of strenuous way as a daily practice.
- Listening to intuition. My gut, very often, seems to know exactly what’s best for me if I pause and listen to it.
- Writing to understand what I think. Journaling whenever I feel stressed, unclear, or confused is usually the quickest route to finding clarity and feeling better. Getting those worries out onto a page can really loosen their grip.
- Embodying enough-ness. When I intentionally get in touch with a sense that not only do I have enough, but I myself am enough, I feel more relaxed and fulfilled.
- Being cautious and conscientious on social media. Exercise daily use with caution — it can be draining and not particularly rewarding. When posting, I try to think of others and not just myself.
- There are 2 kinds of “best days.” One is days spent with friends and loved ones, just enjoying. The other is days spent wrapped up in doing work that matters — in making a contribution to something bigger than myself.
- We’re all creative. And letting go of what is “good” or “bad” or “creative” or “not creative” was the first step to realizing my creativity.
- Voluntary simplicity. Often, choosing to do less is the secret to doing (and enjoying) more.
- Cheerful pessimism. There’s so much uncertainty about the future, and high expectations are a one way ticket to disappointment-ville. Instead, pairing lowering expectations (a bit of pessimism) with a smile and sense of humor (cheerfulness), is a lot more satisfying. It ain’t easy though.
- Empathy vs. Compassion. Empathy — feeling the feelings of others — is useful, but I have to be careful with it. Too much empathy can cause me unnecessary pain. Carrying the pain of others is a heavy burden. Compassion on the other hand — taking action to alleviate someone else’s suffering — is something I can do more of without necessarily carrying the weight (making it more sustainable).
- Training myself to slow down. With a constant inertia of forward motion, slowing down takes significant effort, and even training in the form of mindfulness. Without this, this gift of life would pass me right by.
- Practicing effective altruism. A group of people spent the last decade exploring the question, “How can I do the most good?”. What they found through years of research was that the world’s most effective charities (eg. the top 1% in terms of saving lives) do significantly more (think 10x +) good than the 99%, and by choosing to donate to the 1%, we can save way more lives for way less money. Learn more about effective altruism.
- Just ask. There’s a tension involved with asking for what we want. So often I haven’t asked for what I want out of fear of rejection. But asking feels good, and you never know if you don’t ask.
- Knowing when to show up. There are certain things in life that are difficult, unpleasant, and would be a hell of a lot easier not to do. It’s up to me to show up anyways when it really matters. Often that’s in the form of being there for friends and family when they need it.
- Growth is a choice. Getting out of my comfort zone is the fastest route there.
- Love is the bridge between you and everything. A Rumi quote that rings true for me.
- Stories are all around us. The stories we tell ourselves and each other — we can change them and tell different (better) ones if we choose to.
- In many aspects of our lives, we’re at the tail end. One of the most important insights of my 30 years — detailed in a blog post by Tim Urban. If you read it, it might change your life. It changed mine.
- The joy of missing out. Embracing “JOMO” is the key to flipping the script on that dreadful and always present feeling of “FOMO.”
- Starting with “Why?”. Getting in the habit of asking this question, and doing so in the early stages of things, helps me understand meanings and motivations. Without understanding why something is the way it is (or at least trying), I’m limited in how much I can truly understand it. The rewards of asking come when I ask it three or four or more times.
- Change is the only constant. Life is uncomfortable when I resist it, and better when I embrace it.
- Sonder. Recognizing that everyone around me is living a life as vivid and complex as my own. That everyone is experiencing some form of pain. And that we are not alone in all this.
- There’s no getting around suffering through your low points. So you may as well allow yourself to truly enjoy your high points.
- Never forget joy. It’s so easy to forget what joy feels like. And yet it’s so essential to life.
- If there’s a chance to get barreled with your friends, take it. Couldn’t leave surfing out, right?